Dear Zachary: A Letter To A Son About His Father (2008)--4/5

About an hour into "Dear Zachary," the film could very well cut to black and stay there for the remaining runtime. The director, Kurt Kuenne, despairs at events.

Usually, unforeseen happenings are what make successful documentaries. Steve James had no idea his three-week commitment to "Hoop Dreams" would uncover enough pathos to warrant an eight-year journey. "Dear Zachary" isn't like this. Kuenne's concept is sunk, his title doesn't make sense, there's no fucking point.

I make it sound as if "Dear Zachary" is about Kuenne. It is when it has to be, but it starts out as a eulogy for his good (best?) friend Andrew Bagby.* Kuenne's extensive adolescent filmography features the charismatic Bagby. He easily finds scores of friends from Bagby's life to discuss him on camera.

Andrew was murdered in 2001 by ex-girlfriend Shirley Turner. Extant footage of their relationship shows her as crude, demanding, and retroactively psychotic. She fled to Newfoundland, where she was supported by a sinuous extradition court and appeals process. And, oh yeah, she announced--at a press conference, no kidding--that she was pregnant with Andrew's son, Zachary.

At the time of filming, Andrew's parents must share custody of Zachary with Turner, murderer out on bail. Kate and David show an unparallelled fortitude, moving to Newfoundland and having to interact with Turner daily. Kuenne tailors his documentary to Zachary, forming a collage of his friends' memories of his late father.

And then...the idea of a "spoiler" seems insignificant for "Dear Zachary." But just think of the worst thing that could happen. This film works outside of any labels--true crime, documentary, remembrance, incrimination. It's touched by pure evil.


*Andrew is a generous, gregarious personality who would probably be called "best friend" by a few dozen guys.

Last Chance Harvey (2008)--2/5

The audience "Last Chance Harvey" is courting has seen this before in countless romantic comedies. What could have been "Before Sunrise" for the older set--an intelligent look at a relationship through conversation--is instead a movie about logistics. Dustin Hoffman and Emma Thompson are still world-class actors. Nobody needs to see them in a trying-on-dresses montage set to upbeat music.

Needing to meet the minimum movie-length of ninety minutes, writer-director Joel Hopkins adds a subplot involving Kate's (Thompson) mother. She suspiciously watches her new neighbor using his smokehouse, thinking he's dispatching murder victims. But he's actually smoking large hams. Yes, he's using the smokehouse for its original purpose. Mystery solved.

Permanent Vacation (1980)--1/5

"Permanent Vacation" is not quite awful, but still not worth seeing. With shots as long as those in "Stranger Than Paradise" and existential musings more scattered than those in "Ghost Dog," it's for Jarmusch completists only. It follows the aimless Allie Parker through a sometimes-Lynchian, gamelan-scored NYC. Many of the people he encounters can't even be bothered to hold a conversation; instead they writhe on the ground or stare blankly. Jim Jarmusch's concepts can--and generally do--support a watchable film. "Permanent Vacation" is an immature art student's bid at profundity.

Star Trek (2009)--3/5

Using an inorganic screenwriting method, the plot of "Star Trek" is derived from a fear of angering fans. The results are awfully silly.

"As silly as saving the whales, Mr. Peabody?"*

"Quiet, you."

Romulan-with-a-grudge Nero travels in time through a black hole to the moment of James Kirk's birth. By killing Kirk's father, Nero creates a parallel universe. Without paternal guidance, Kirk grows up as a felonious delinquent. Depending on how nerdy you are, you recognize that this is so wrong. But don't fear: everything from the previous shows and movies plus everything from this movie is canon.

Okay, that's one function of "Star Trek." The other should have been to tell a coherent story that's not reliant on humorless gimmicks and plot holes. J.J. Abrams, working with screenwriters Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman, has brought a lot of good into "Star Trek." The action has a looser, poetic style than in the previous films; advances in computer effects, combined with the influence of Bourne and Bond, are responsible. The young actors channel the originals with enough warranted changes, based on their slightly different origins. They're unfortunately ill-served by busy plotting wrapped up in its own mythology. 

Individual moments are among the most thrilling in the series. What Kirk's pursuit on the ice planet lacks in originality, it makes up in honest terror. And the destruction of a major planet signifies Abrams' intentions to leave nothing untouchable. With a series as ancient as "Star Trek," an age worn in the lines of Leonard Nimoy's face, a film that even tries something new is worth a look.

*In "Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home."

Frost/Nixon (2008)--2/5

Michael Sheen looks and sounds nothing like Richard Nixon. It's a good thing he plays reporter David Frost in Ron Howard's "Frost/Nixon."

Frank Langella looks and sounds nothing like Richard Nixon. He does play Nixon in "Frost/Nixon." Didn't anybody notice this while filming the movie? Oliver Platt, as one of Frost's "cornermen," does a better impression of Nixon during their prep.

"Frost/Nixon" is based on (a play based on) a series of famous interviews. In a short feature on the DVD, Ron Howard extolls the fidelity of the film while comparison shots of interview and movie are played. Real Nixon is tired and contrite while Langella Nixon devours the kitschy seventies scenery, goosing lines and drawing out pauses for cheap dramatic effect.

The final interview scene is the reason "Frost/Nixon" exists. The rest is a blurry preamble: research montages; exposition told, then shown, then told again; and news reports. The ready-made arc of the original interviews has been pulled apart, burnished using Ron Howard's aggressively middlebrow MO, and bolted back together as an "improvement" on the real thing.


Shoulda gotten this guy.

Arbitrary Double Features

I saw these odd combinations only because they were playing at the Lennox theater on the same day. In rough chronological order:


The Legend of Drunken Master/Best In Show--I think we originally wanted to see just "Best In Show," which was sold out. Some of the group decided to see a painful double feature of "Little Nicky" and "Best In Show." (Painful only because of the first movie, of course.)

Monsters, Inc./The One--I saw these films with my old roommate John "Mike" Holmes. "Monsters, Inc." had "Episode II" and "Finding Nemo" teasers.

Hulk/The Italian Job--I needed something to cleanse the palate after the excruciating "Hulk."

Drumline/Die Another Day--We packed a lunch.

Femme Fatale/Punch-Drunk Love--Kickass films, both.

28 Days Later/Finding Nemo--Jarring, to say the least. This was the second screening of "Nemo" for me/first for roommate Kellie.

Million Dollar Baby/Assault on Precinct 13--Both complete duds. I walked out of the latter after about an hour.


Jay and I have tickets from the old Mansfield Cinemark 10 theater (now the dollar theater) for "Rugrats: The Movie." We stayed only for the "Episode I" teaser trailer (NERD!) and then walked across the hall to see "Antz."

The subsequent full trailer for "Episode I" is the only reason I've seen the entirety of "Wing Commander."

I'm glad those "Star Wars" prequels were worth the wait!


Jet Li, upon finding out I didn't pay to see "The One."

Pierrepoint: The Last Hangman (2005)--3/5

Upon hearing that a rival hangman has completed a job in fourteen seconds, Albert Pierrpoint (Timothy Spall) vows to beat the mark. His next hanging clocks in at seven-and-a-half seconds. This brings up a few questions:

1) At what time do you start timing? The stop time is obvious, but not the start.

2) Is there some sort of adjudicating committee that keeps track of hanging time around the country? If so, they should really get some rules written down so people aren't cheating on their start times.

To Pierrepoint, a quick hanging is a "humane" hanging. He has no interest in criminals' crimes or stories. By the time Pierrepoint encounters them, they've been through what he thinks of as an infallible process. The only thing left is to get the job done as a professional courtesy.

Timothy Spall has made a career out of pathetic, hangdog characters. In "Pierrepoint: The Last Hangman," his skills are used to create a man of strong convictions, but one who is out of step with society. His reactions to growing protests are to hide in his house and stutter rebuttals. He can't understand why anyone would take much interest in his work, much less pubicly condemn him for it.

Of course something must pierce Pierrepoint's repose at the gallows. Will it be the young lady, the thirteen Nazi men and women in the same day, or his old drinking buddy, charged with killing a lover in cold blood? Hmm, I wonder...