The Wizard Of Gore (1970)--1/5

According to the characters in "Juno," "The Wizard of Gore" is a classic. But they live in a make-believe world where teen pregnancy is about as stressful as building a deck and people say things like "honest to blog." "The Wizard of Gore" is an endurance test. Not because of any scariness or shock value, but because it is exceptionally bad.

The title character, Montag the Magnificent, hypnotizes "volunteers" from the audience and eviscerates them onstage in various ways. On the first night, for example, a woman is sawn in half with a chainsaw in full view of the audience. The victims leave the stage and appear to be alright. Later that night, their wounds reappear and they die.

That's pretty much it.

It's mostly no surprise that a movie with this plot is not very good. However, it could have discovered it's own campy rhythm. If the actors had any training at all. If the gore was anything more than chicken livers and ketchup. If the director had altogether skipped the scene, filmed in a local restaurant, in which Saran wrap has clearly been placed on the floor so that ketchup doesn't ruin the classy 70's carpet.

There's no way that the recent Crispin Glover remake of "The Wizard of Gore" is worse than the original.