My Bloody Valentine (2009)--1/5

Is there a wrong way to watch a movie this bad? I ask because "My Bloody Valentine" is supposed to be seen in a theater in 3-D. The screen is constantly thrust at by phallic and otherwise distracting objects--a pickaxe, a tree branch, super exciting newspaper headlines!

Never mind the amateur acting, degrading female roles, and complete lack of reason for existing (because of the sort-of-recommendable original). It's the 3-D "improvements" that ultimately bring "My Bloody Valentine" down.

During a bar fight, a random thug punches at a mirror. Cut to the inside of the mirror shattering, followed by an excessive pause to the action to really sell the gimmick. At a rate of one 3-D money shot for every scene, the pace of "My Bloody Valentine" is undermined at every opportunity. 3-D glasses can't help this problem.

I don't know if this is to aid the 3-D, but "My Bloody Valentine" looks like it was filmed on video. Not digital video. Just video. Movement is blurry and colors are washed out. The cheap special effects are perhaps integrated more easily in this lo-fi environment.