Teachers (1984)--2/5

"Teachers," filmed mostly at the stately old Central High School (now part of COSI) in Columbus, is a disappointing stew of hot-button issues. Mr. Jurel (Nick Nolte) and the other teachers carry an unearned self-importance. With all the things going on at their school, it's amazing that they even keep faith in humanity, much less any reverent ideals.

An ex-student is suing the school because he can't read or write. A crazy student (the inimitable Crispin Glover) bites a teacher, steals his car, and is later shot in the hallway by the police. A shy student (Laura Dern) is impregnated by the gym teacher and driven to the abortion clinic by Nolte. These are just a few of the incidents that, by themselves, would be enough for a single film.

One moment "Teachers" feels like a slightly more mature John Hughes film, the next it's an idealistic-teacher-inspires-inner-city-youth film a la "Dangerous Minds" and countless others. Whatever it tries, "Teachers" comes off as half-assed. The jokes are barely presented and the kids are white-bread with a few ringers.


What good films have been made in Columbus? The Michael Douglas thread of "Traffic" has a few shots of the Statehouse. Too bad it's the weakest link in the film. (Benicio Del Toro's story should've been feature-length.) "Little Man Tate" has some cool stuff from the early days of the Wexner Center, but is otherwise undistinguished. "Brubaker" has a decent reputation; I haven't seen it.